


The Wild West

by wannabe_sailor



Category: Regular Show (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:33:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27731581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wannabe_sailor/pseuds/wannabe_sailor
Summary: The gang is in the old west, nothing more to say. A work in progress.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The first chapter or two will be mainly exposition, sorry.

### New Sheriff in Town

Mordecai ran his hand over his worn leather holster, riding slowly down the street. He looked over the small dusty town in the far west of Colorado and the inhabitants that had come out to look at him. He had rode out from Denver a week before, and was happy to finally see friendly faces after all that time alone in the wilderness. The blue jay had taken a job offered there, a sheriff’s deputy, and hoped for a new start away from the bustling city life of Charleston. He had hated the south and all the people in it and was drawn to the romantic idea of the west, a free new world where he could be anything he wanted, and to finally be what he knew his heart desired. A lawman.

In all honesty Mordecai had lied on his resume. He had never before worked in law, hell, he never even had fired a gun. Back in Charleston he worked in real estate like his dad and his dad before. The LeMat revolver and CSA holster on his side were that of his father’s from the civil war, a mark of shame that the rather progressive bird carried in his life, but the only gun he could find. Despite his lack of qualifications he was looking forward to being a deputy, besides a small town like this wouldn’t have any crime and he could work on what he loved, art. 

Mordecai rode his horse over to the sheriff’s office and dismounted, patting the sleek black horse, another reminder of his home town. He had loved riding horses his whole life and his father encouraged it. His dad had been a cavalry officer in the world and horsemanship was one of the few things the duo bonded over, both loving and caring for their small stable together. The horse he had brought with him was a black Morgan, a family favorite breed, he had named it Jessa after the only girl who ever showed interest in him, although it was just to embarrass him in front of her friends.

“Howdy” A voice called from the front of the building, batwing doors swinging behind the man. “I’m Benson. I take it you’re Mordecai?” He was dressed in a poncho with a bright shining sheriff’s star stuck on. He wore a wide brimmed hat, loud jangling spurs, and most strikingly of all was a gumball machine, a device which Mordecai had only seen in the wealthier areas of Charleston.

“Uh hi, I’m Mordecai” The bird replied, weakly sticking out a wing to shake hands. The gumball machine eyed him down and frowned. 

“You sure you’re the right Mordecai? You look a little… small.” Benson remarked. Before he could reply he was interrupted by the sound of yelling. He turned around to investigate the noise, and set eyes on a raccoon being thrown out of a saloon. The little raccoon was dressed in an opposite fashion to Mordecai. Where the bird was well dressed, wearing a new green vest, bowler hat, and black jacket the other was dressed in a dirty red button up, ripped jeans, and a worn cowboy hat. Benson murmured something about him being a bum, but Mordecai wasn’t paying attention. 

“Fuck you and the horse you rode in on!” The raccoon screamed at the men who had tossed him out. He was obviously drunk, and was absolutely furious. “I’m the biggest outlaw on this side of the Mississippi! Don’t think me and my gang won’t find ya!” The little man was livid, having then picked himself up. 

“Why don’t you take care of this Mordecai? Show me you’re really fit to be a lawman.” Benson said with a sly smile, challenging the blue jay who’s lies he had instantly seen through. Mordecai was already regretting taking this position, he had never even fired a gun before and now on his first day he had to deal with an angry drunken outlaw? 

The deputy walked over to the saloon where the raccoon was still screaming, and in a shaky breath asked “Do we have a problem here sir?”

He replied, a drunken smile growing across his face, “Damn right we do! Do you even know who I am?” Before Mordecai could answer the drunkard went on “I’m Rigby! My gang will gut you like a fish if you try to do anything!” He hated to admit it, but Mordecai was intimidated by the bandit. Rigby, while short in stature, seemed ferocious, a wild card with no manners as opposed to Mordecai’s southerly gentleman upbringing.

“I uh. I think it’s my job to stop you or arrest you” The new lawman sputtered out, instantly wanting to face palm at his horrendously stupid comment. Rigby looked him up and down incredulously, unsure of what to make about this new face in town demanding his arrest. 

Suddenly Rigby shouted out, scaring the living daylights out of Mordecai.“Then let’s have a duel pardner! If you want me so bad.” Mordecai’s heart dropped. He was not prepared for this, but before he could figure out a solution his mouth spoke against his brain’s will.

“Sure.” The town went silent, and for a moment Rigby’s smile faltered. No one was expecting such a meek looking stranger to accept a duel, let alone on his first day in town. Not even Rigby really expected him to agree, it was mostly a threat made in the midst of a drunken bravado. They silently walked to the middle of the street, each staring each other down as the townsfolk gathered around. Both men were scared shitless, neither of them wanting to die over the simple dispute over being thrown out of a bar.

Mordecai put his hand on the butt of his revolver, mentally preparing himself for what he was about to do. Rigby did the same, and squinted at his opponent. An eerie silence fell over the town, and by now everyone in the town was watching. Seconds passed in the dusty town which turned into minutes. Beads of sweat rolled down each man’s face. A cool wind broke the sweltering heat but was gone again in a second, both men continued to stare each other down.

Rigby made a sudden movement, and at the same time Mordecai pulled his revolver, and Rigby fell to the dusty ground below.

Mordecai had not even fired a shot. 

“Shows over folks! Damn fool passed out.” Benson called, ordering everyone to go back to their business. “Skips would you take this drunken bastard to the jail cell? I’m going to show our new friend here around town.”

“Good show! Jolly good show!” A well dressed man ran to Mordecai, and Benson followed suit. “A man of your bravery deserves a reward!” He said, and produced a lollipop from his suit pocket. 

“Why don’t you help Skips, Pops?” Benson asked, and Pops agreed happily, running after the large yeti that had taken the outlaw moments before. “That’s Pops, the mayor. His dad is the governor which is why he got the job, but I pretty much run everything here.” Mordecai had so many questions, but stayed silent, allowing his boss to continue his speech.

“Well you obviously know where the saloon and jail are, and that there where Pops is going off to is the town hall. Over there is the general store and next to that’s the barber. You got a pretty simple job here pal.” At this he took out a small metal star from his pocket and stuck it in Mordecai’s hand. “Your job is just to do what I say. Now hop on your horse and we’ll ride on over to your homestead.” Mordecai did what he was told, Benson mounted his horse and the two set off, the bird trailing behind the gumball machine.

“Now Park is a pretty sleepy town, I don’t imagine you’ll see much trouble. Our only ‘outlaw’ is that miserable drunk Rigby,” Benson took a break from his lecturing to laugh at the poor raccoon’s failed duel, but quickly began talking again. “He doesn’t have any gang, just a sad little petty thief. I’ll let him out tonight after he sobers up so don’t you worry about him.”

Benson droned on but Mordecai had stopped listening. He was enchanted by the landscape around him. Blue snow peaked mountains rose far in the northern distance, contrasting with the red rock desert he was riding through. Surrounding him elsewhere were large red mesas, covered in cactus and shrub. A vulture flew lazily overhead, its shadow on the ground giving a cool reprieve from the hot desert to anything that walked through it. Mordecai hadn’t noticed the heat until then, and for the first time realized how suffocating it was. He was sweating something awful, his shirt was dressed and he could tell his hat would need a good washing.

“You listening boy?” Benson shouted, ruining Mordecai’s enchantment with the majesty that surrounded him.

“Uh yes sir.” Mordecai replied, taking off his hat and wiping his brow.

“Good. Now as I was saying, that fellow that carried Rigby to the jail was Skips. He’s a personal friend of mine, used to be a trapper up in the northwest but came here after the beaver ran out. Say’s he's been up there since the 1600’s but that’s just tall tales, no folk is really immortal. Other than me you’ll be working with two other fella’s Muscleman and High Five Ghosts.” Mordecai snickered at the silly names, warranting a glare from the Sheriff. “Yeah, weird names but they’re good folk. Fives is a marshal sent here by Washington, we use him if we ever gotta cross over the state lines, as a sheriff can’t do that without a marshal you see. Muscleman is a bounty hunter, so the four of us tend to work together if we ever have to catch any sort of serious criminal.”

How were they still riding? Mordecai was tired and exhausted by the heat, angered that the home he’d be living in was so far out from town. He had been told it was a small ranch so that if he ever wanted to settle down he’d have land to raise cattle, and it had never occurred to him that ranches were quite a way out of town. Already he was regretting coming out west. Here he was, surrounded by desert, cowboys, heat, and lawlessness, no place for an artist city boy such as himself.

“Other than that there’s not a whole lot to mention about Park. Saloon is run by a little woman named Eileen, too smart for this town if you ask me, and a dancer named Margaret. She’s a bird like you, so maybe you two will get along eh?” Mordecai frowned at this, sick that everyone assumed that two birds always had to be a couple. “Anywho, if you need a gun there’s a gal called CJ in town who will set you up nice, and a tailor by the name of Thomas if you want to get some more appropriate attire. City clothes won’t do too much good here.” Benson cackled, laughing at his own joke. Luckily Mordecai didn’t have to listen to any more of this tiresome diatribe, as they had arrived.

It was more of a shack than a house really, seemingly falling apart. A well was out front and to the side was a decaying fence which the men hitched their horses to. “Home sweet home” Benson chuckled as he walked over and unlocked the door. He threw the keys to Mordecai, and then spoke again. “Well I’ll see you tomorrow for your first real day on the job, settle in real nice now.” And with that the gumball machine exited the house, closing the door behind him. Mordecai walked over to the dusty window and watched as the sheriff mounted his horse and rode east back towards town, the setting sun outlining his silhouette. 

Mordecai looked around his home, and let out an elongated sigh. The entire building was made up of only two rooms, the front room which functioned as a kitchen, parlor, and study all at once, and a second room which had only a bed and dresser. The front room consisted of only a simple wooden table, four simple wooden chairs, a simple stove, a simple desk, and a simple bookcase. The bedroom on the other hand was fully furnished, much to the surprise of Mordecai. The bed was covered with furs and a Spanish blanket, the dresser full of clothes, and with some faded pictures on top. He picked up the pictures, but they were far too old to tell who anyone in them was. He got to unpacking, and by the time he was finished the sun set and the moon was up. The new deputy, not feeling like cooking a full meal, took out some hardtack from his pack and ate in bed, reading an old novel he had brought with him until sleep overcame him. 

Mordecai was awoken by the sound of smashing glass, and scrambled to grab his handgun which he had left on the floor besides the bed. He cocked the revolver and held his breath, terrified that the intruder was coming for his life. He sat like that in the darkness for what felt like ages, listening to whoever had broken in stumble around the kitchen and mutter. Cold sweat began dripping down Mordecai’s head, and the feathers on his neck raised. Was he about to die? Who would break into a shit hole like this? Was the man armed? Finally his door creaked open, and Mordecai blindly shot.

“What the fuck! Who’s in my bed?” A man yelled, firing a shot back. Both men continued firing in the darkness until both had emptied their chambers. “Hold on! Let’s turn on a light before we try to kill each other again” The assailant pleaded, and Mordecai agreed. He fumbled around until he found a match and striked it, lighting a candle beside his bed. There before him stood the intruder, and Mordecai instantly recognized him. 

“Rigby? Why the hell are you in my house?” Mordecai cried, eyes watering.

“The goddamn new deputy? You answer me first why the fuck are you in my bed?” Rigby hollered back.

“Your bed? This is my house!”

“Since when?”

“Since I took this fucking job! Now what are you doing here?!”

“Well I lived here, thought it was abandoned!”

The two stared at each other, unsure of what to do after their screaming match. Mordecai’s rage and fear quickly subsided, as did Rigby’s, and the intense staring match turned into an awkward silence. 

“So uh. Didn’t catch your name earlier.” Rigby broke the silence, slowly holstering his still smoking gun.

“Mordecai. You’re Rigby right?” Mordecai replied, setting his gun down and slowly crawling out of bed. The silence came again, and all Mordecai could think to do was what his dad had taught him about visitors. “Want a cup of coffee?” The bird turned bright red and Rigby followed suit, embarrassed by the terribly strange and awkward situation made even worse by Mordecai’s southern hospitality.

Rigby licked his lips and answered, “Uh. Sure.” And with that Mordecai got to making coffee, and attempting to make small talk. “You’re mighty polite for a man who’s home just got broken into.” Rigby nervously laughed, still unsure of what to make of this whole situation.

“Ah you know. From the south and all. Gotta be polite to the guests.” The two laughed, and Mordecai poured the coffee and sat down. “So. Benson tells me you don’t have a gang? No home either I guess?” Rigby turned red, looked down, and nodded his head. Mordecai was instantly hit with pangs of remorse, feeling terribly sorry for pointing out the raccoon’s poor situation in life, and went into overdrive to try and fix his hurt feelings. “Well if you got no home you can stay here. I mean it’s small but you can lay on a blanket on the floor.” 

“Uh. I’m not sure.” Rigby was freaking out. He breaks into a lawman’s house, has a shootout, and instead of being dragged to jail to be hanged he was being invited to stay the night? Mordecai mistook Rigby’s apprehension and bewilderment for still feeling hurt about his snide remarks, and once again went into overdrive being overly polite.

“Hey it’ll be fun, and tomorrow maybe you can help me with work. I’ll pay you and then you don’t have to be an outlaw anymore!” At this point Rigby had nothing to say, this whole situation catching him completely off guard. He managed to mumble an “uhuh”, and then drink more coffee to avoid talking more. Mordecai talked while Rigby drank, “Well I’m hitting the hay, I’ll leave some blankets on the floor for you.” Mordecai walked into his room and closed the door, and Rigby slumped over in his chair and sighed. 

What had he gotten himself into?


	2. Getting Comfortable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is mainly just another exposition chapter, sorry. I promise next chapter they'll get to the adventure and REAL action.

“What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck” Was all Rigby could think as he lay curled in the pile of blankets, early morning light shining through the window. Who the hell was this guy? Was he crazy? Was this some sort of sick joke and he was gonna be hanged when they rode into town? He had thought about running away, but for some reason decided against it. He couldn’t quite put his finger on why, perhaps it was Mordecai’s hospitality and niceties, or perhaps it was the fear of punishment from the law.

“Morning. How long have you been awake?” Mordecai cheerily asked, chipper for such an early morning. Rigby grumbled a nonsensical reply and stood up, leaving the room. The two had a quiet breakfast of hardtack which Mordecai apologized for, promising to buy the two some better food. Rigby was incredibly suspicious of such a polite man, unaware that Mordecai was being legitimately kind and wished to get to know Rigby more.

After breakfast the two saddled up, and began the long ride into town. Mordecai talked Rigby’s ear off about his life, how he wanted to go to art school but his father wouldn’t let him, how his family fought for the CSA and how he hated it, rich plantation life, horse riding, and Charlseton. “How bout you Rigby? What’s your life like?”

Rigby pondered for a moment, then took a swig of water and began talking, “Well I was born in Iowa, got a brother named Don. Dad was always so proud of him and so hard on me, so to rebel I started causing trouble, just stealing candy and change and stuff, shooting bottles and what not. Then it got serious, started cattle rustling and stealing horses, shooting windows just for fun. Then one day I went and robbed a stagecoach, and I shot…” He trailed off at this, but quickly began speaking again, hoping his partner wouldn’t notice. “Didn’t even wear a mask, can you believe that? So of course I got found out, but instead of facing the sheriff I rode out here and now I drink all the time and sleep in a shack.” He took another swig of water and finished off his story, “Last I heard Don was in the cavalry, out fighting somewhere.”

“Huh.” Was all Mordecai was able to say, stunned at the incredible life this man had lived. “So shooting. Are you good at it?” Rigby shifted uncomfortably in the saddle, not wanting to talk anymore about his history with guns.

“I guess. Why?” 

“Well. Don’t tell Benson but I’ve never actually used a gun before last night.” Mordecai bashfully remarked, rubbing his neck.

Rigby spit out his drink of water, laughing hysterically “A deputy who’s never fired a gun? Jesus Christ and you were gonna duel me yesterday?” Mordecai had to laugh too, despite his embarrassment it was a uniquely absurd situation.

“Could you teach me? I mean if it’s not too much-” Before he could finish the Raccoon interrupted. 

“Yeah sure, I’d love to,” Rigby smiled, the first kindness he had shown the bird. He was warming up to him, this awkward lanky bird seemed like a nice funny guy, and he would never pass down a house, free food, and a job. Before long they were in town, and they rode over to the sheriff’s office and hitched their horses.

“Now I’m going to go in and talk to Benson, I don’t know how much he’ll appreciate me bringing you here so wait outside” Mordecai informed his newfound friend while dismounting, who merely nodded in agreement. Rigby sat outside, and listened to the yelling happening behind the batwing doors.

“YOU DID WHAT?!?” Benson’s voice screeched from inside

“Look he’s a pretty good guy, so I said I’d make him a deputy.” Rigby heard Mordecai plead to his boss

“He is a common criminal! No way in hell are you making him deputy!”

“Hey I know the law! A sheriff’s deputy can declare anyone else a deputy, it just comes out of my paycheck! Read the laws man!”

“Give me that!” a moment of silence followed. “Alright but if he makes just ONE slip up, JUST ONE, YOU’RE FIRED” Following Benson’s screams Mordecai came out smiling.

“So that went pretty well, come on in” The bird said, incredibly chipper for just being screamed at. Rigby dismounted and the two went inside, the gumball machine’s head was a bright red, and upon seeing the outlaw enter he gave a devilish smile.

“If it ain’t our new deputy. Since you wanna be a lawman soooo bad” Benson mocked Rigby before turning to Mordecai “And you want to play by the rule book, this outlaw standing in front of me better get some proper clothes and a wash before the days over or you’re both FIRED!”

“What you can’t do that!” Mordecai interjected, but was stopped by a belligerent Benson.

“Oh yes I can! Read the rules since you love them so much, deputies have a strict dress code which means groomed and no filthy ripped clothes!” 

“Ughh” Mordecai groaned. He had seemed to lose all his nervousness from the day prior, but Rigby figured he’d see the fear again the second they were in danger. “Come on partner, let’s get down to the tailor.”

“Oh hold on one second! I ain’t finished with you” Benson stood up and blocked the door, preventing them from leaving. “You don’t get the whole day to go shopping, you have to do your deputy's duties! Clean the jail cells, buy more shells from the gunsmith, and arrest any violent drunkards at the saloon, got it?”

“Yes sir” The deputies replied, not wanting to piss off their boss any further. Soon they were out the door, and walking down the street to the tailors. They opened the door, and were greeted with the heavy smell of incense. Clothes lined every wall, from costumes to suits to overalls.

“Hello hello! What do you fine gentlemen need?” A thick russian accent asked from behind a mahogany counter. They looked over to see a well dressed goat who they presumed to be Thomas.

“Hi, we’re the new deputies and my partner here is looking for some more appropriate attire.” Mordecai responded, gently pushing his new friend towards the tailor.

“Ah yes yes. What would you like, little man?” Thomas asked.  
Rigby frowned, angered that his height had been pointed out, “Just make me look like a cowboy or something ok?” He grumbled. Thomas nodded, and took the raccoon to measure him for some clothes.

“I’m going get those shells for Benson alright?” Mordecai called, to which Rigby shouted an ‘Alright’ back. The bird walked out the door and down to the gunsmith, letting out a loud yawn before entering the building. He hadn’t done much work yet, but socializing with Rigby and getting used to all the new faces was taking a toll on him.

“Howdy! Welcome to Cloudy Jay’s Armory, I don’t think I’ve seen your face ‘round here before” A woman made completely from clouds called from behind a counter. Behind her was a variety of weaponry, ranging from rifles to shotguns to pistols to revolvers to bows to tomahawks to dynamite and to many many many more.

“Uh Hi, I’m Mordecai the new deputy” Mordecai sputtered. CJ smiled, apparently having heard the news of the new deputy. The blue jay was immediately smitten, fantasizing about going out with the arms dealer. She seemed just his type, cheerful, attractive, and… in all honesty most of his attraction was from looks but he liked to imagine she had a personality to match.

“Well what can I do for you Mordecai?” The bundle of clouds asked, and Mordecai quickly told her he needed to restock the shotgun shells. As CJ was loading up the boxes of shells into a crate for Mordecai he decided he would try his luck.

“So… mind if I shoot my shot with you” The lanky bird asked, grinning ear to ear at his own terrible shooting pun.

CJ rolled her eyes, “You know how many times I’ve heard that one? Besides I don’t go out with m-” She stopped herself.

“Don’t go out with who now?”

“Southerners.” She quickly corrected, not wanting to give away too much to a stranger just yet. Mordecai let out a disappointed ‘oh’ before handing over the cash and wishing her a good day. “Don’t be a stranger, come back soon!” CJ called after him, but the rejection was still fresh and he didn’t feel like saying anything back. Mordecai wandered back to the tailors and set the crate down, seating himself on top of it. He was exhausted at this point and Rigby still wasn’t done, so he pulled his bowler hat down to cover his eyes and basked in the warm sun, slowly falling asleep.

“Wake up!” A splash of icy water came raining down over Mordecai, jolting him upright. He let out a slew of curses and stood up, looking around to see who had done this to him. There stood Thomas and Rigby, laughing harder than he had seen anyone laugh before.

“You assholes!” he yelled, but the two kept laughing.

“You should’ve seen the look on your face!” Rigby managed to wheeze out between bursts of giggles, “Thomas here is quite the jokester, I think me and him are gonna be good friends'' The two finished laughing, and now that the shock had subsided Mordecai had a moment to admire his partners new clothes. He was a regular cowboy, ten gallon hat, boots, spurs, and cow skin chaps. 

“Alright dickhead let’s get this ammo back to Benson” Mordecai grumbled, and with that the two bid farewell to the Russian. The day was excruciatingly hot which was usually an annoyance but it dried Mordecai’s clothes out so he couldn’t complain. They dropped the supplies at Benson’s desk, who gave them a slight nod before unceremoniously demanding they get back to work. 

They walked to the back room where the cells were, and saw a group of three men playing cards around an old wooden table in the corner of one of the cells. They hardly looked up from their cards, but one of the men, a large white yeti, called them over.

“Take a seat, it’s lunch time” he said, and the two did what they were told. “I’m Skips” he continued, again not taking his eyes off his cards. He was dressed in a rustic fashion, raccoon skin hat, wolf fur shirt, buckskin pants, and fox moccasins. Rigby shifted uncomfortably upon sight of the hat, and guessed that he had made all those clothes himself.

“That there is Muscleman” Skips said pointing to a fat green man dressed similarly to Rigby, “and his buddy High Five Ghost” he said pointing to the incredibly well dressed ghost floating at the table, who had just laid down his hand.

“God you win again? This sucks” Muscleman said, throwing his cards down, “You two want to play?” he asked, and both men shook their heads yes, not wanting to be rude. They played a few rounds with the men, making small talk and getting along generally well. Soon enough lunch time was over, and their coworkers bid them adieu as they returned to their duties.

“I guess it’s cleaning time huh?” Mordecai asked his smaller companion, who quietly nodded in agreement. Mordecai opened a door marked “supplies” and took out two brooms, and they began sweeping up the cells.

After only a few minutes of work Rigby spoke up, “Ugh this sucks! If I knew this was what being a deputy was like I would’ve said no! Come on let’s go to the saloon.”

“Shut up Benson’s going to hear us!” Mordecai harshly whispered, “And if we leave now we’ll both be fired.”

“How’s he going to tell we actually sweeped? Besides one of our chores is at the saloon, so we can work AND get a drink!”

Mordecai thought for a moment. “Fine” He sighed, and the two put their brooms back and began walking towards the door.

“And where do you think you’re going?” Benson interrupted, getting up from his desk.

“The saloon to finish up the chores, we sweeped the cells.” Mordecai lied, sweating bullets.

“So if I go back there those cells will be spick and span?” The sheriff asked, narrowing his eyes.

“Yes?” Mordecai obediently answered, more a question than a statement. Benson let out a 

‘Hm’ and went to the back room. The deputies sat, frozen in place. Rigby was worried he was going to lose his only source of income, and Mordecai was mentally hitting himself for listening to his irresponsible companion. Benson came in, a frown plastered on his face.

“You two…” He muttered, chilling Mordecai and Rigby to their bones, “How did you do such a good job?” 

The two breathed out a sigh of relief, and Rigby answered “Just hard work I guess.” 

“Hm. Well you two get to the saloon, make sure nothing is going down” Benson said, still frowning. The deputies didn’t need to be told twice, and hurried out the door and across the street. 

“Jesus I guess you really can’t tell” Mordecai burst out laughing, and his friend did too as they pushed the saloon doors open. Their laughter was quickly silenced as everyone in the bar turned their heads to look at the new deputies, who had almost killed each other the day prior. “Uh howdy, I’m the new deputy” The blue jay awkwardly said through a smile.

“And I’m a deputy now!” Rigby triumphantly exclaimed. The bar stared at the two for a moment before erupting into boisterous laughter.

“You two deputies? The small one’s a god damn drunk!” One attendee heckled.

“And the tall one looks like he couldn’t hurt a fly if he tried!” Another shouted. The entire saloon continued to poke fun at the deputies, but a voice from behind the bar quieted the rowdy patrons.

“Quiet down! Why don’t you two come get a drink?” The bartender beckoned them over. She was an incredibly short mole dressed in a vest, bow tie, and arm bands. Before Mordecai had time to decline the drink and inform the bartender that they had work to do, Rigby was already knockin one back. “Should I add it to your tab?” She asked to which Rigby grunted a yes. She poured another drink, and looked up at Mordecai, “Hey I’m Eileen! You’re the new deputy right?” 

“Yes ma’am” He answered back. Before he could begin making small talk, a ragtime piano tune began to play and his attention was drawn to the stage. There a Robin stood, scantily clad. All the men began hooting and hollering, but all Mordecai could do was stare. She began to sing, and any doubt Mordecai had about his feelings vanished. She was the most beautiful singer he had ever heard, and the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. “What’s her name?” He asked Eileen, eyes never leaving the singer.

“Oh she’s Margaret, the entertainment” She answered, pouring Rigby yet another shot. Eileen smiled, seeing Mordecai’s obvious infatuation and spoke again, “I wouldn’t get too excited, Margaret doesn’t generally go out with patrons.” 

Mordecai heard, but didn’t really listen, his mind had wandered to other places. “Think she would like me?”

Eileen laughed, “No buddy. I don’t think she’d like almost anyone here.”

Mordecai frowned a little, but inside was still a little hopeful, but to drown any sorrows that may present themself he ordered a drink. At this point Rigby was completely drunk, and was still ordering drinks. “Does he do this often?” Mordecai asked, pointing to the delirious little raccoon.

“Every night,” Eileen sighed, “Poor guy, something’s obviously wrong but he just won’t ever talk about it. I feel bad so I got a tab for him going, but I know he’ll never pay it.”

“How much is it?”

“Oh about twenty five dollars or so.”

Mordecai coughed up the beer he was drinking, “Jesus Christ! How much does a bottle of whiskey go for here?” 

Eileen pondered for a moment, then answered “50 cents, so he’s had about 50 bottles worth since he’s been in a town.” Mordecai was about to ask how long he had been in town, but Eileen seemingly read his mind and answered “I can’t remember just how long he’s been here, but he drinks about half a bottle a night, so that’s a little over three months.”

“Huh.” Mordecai said, and took another sip from his bottle of beer. “That was some fast maths, is everyone around here that quick?”

The mole blushed a little, “No, just a hard worker I guess, yknow I really want to move to the city and go to university but there’s not a lot of universities that accept girls and-” She was cut off by an irate Rigby, demanding another shot. She poured another one, but before Rigby could grab the glass Mordecai swooped in and drank it for him.

“I think you’ve had about enough buddy.” Mordecai said, and then turned to Eileen, “Well it was nice meeting you, but I think I better get him home” She smiled and nodded, and the two made their way toward the door, Rigby stumbling and leaning on his tall friend. However, Rigby was not yet done drinking, and was struggling to break free of the arm draped around his shoulder.

“Get off of me” The raccoon mumbled, words slurring together. Mordecai grabbed his partner closer, but Rigby broke free with a sudden thrashing, and crashed into a poker table. “Fuck you” Rigby muttered before passing out, much to the ire of the players.

“Sorry boys, my friend has had a bit too much to drink” Mordecai apologized, and quickly ran over to help the raccoon.

“Oh we’ll give you something to be sorry for!” One of the men said, and broke a bottle on the table that Rigby was now lying on.

“Now come on, isn’t this a bit hasty?” Mordecai asked, putting his hands up in defense. The man didn’t care to answer, and instead lunged at the deputy, broken bottle in hand. Mordecai quickly dodged to the left, bumping into another patron who had been leaning on the bar.

“Hey asshole you spilled my drink!” He cried, and turned around, just in time to be hit by a broken beer bottle that the poker player had thrown. The patron at the bar ran towards the player and threw a fist, hitting into a man drinking alone at the table, and these violent events continued on in a chain reaction, and soon the whole bar was fighting one another. Mordecai saw an opportunity in the chaos, and grabbed his blacked out friend, dragging him out of the bar. Oce out he hoisted him onto the back of his horse, and then stood still for a minute.  
On the one hand he wanted nothing more than to return home, get a good night's sleep and forget that he had just caused a massive brawl. On the other hand he knew that his job description was to keep the peace, and unless he broke up that fight he would surely be fired. At last, he let out a loud sigh and began walking up the saloon steps, dreading what he knew was about to happen. He pushed open the batwing doors, and saw the chaos around him.

“Alright boys, let’s all settle down!” He yelled, but no avail, “I said settle down!” This time he was answered, but not in the way he had hoped. A stool whizzed past his head, breaking apart on the wall next to him. Before he had a chance to react, he was knocked to the ground by an incredibly large man, who began to pummel him. The man was as large as a bear, and tried as he might the blue jay couldn’t break free. Punch after punch landed on his face, and his vision began to grow blurry, but just when the thought he was about to be knocked out a guardian angel came to rescue him.

“Get the fuck off him!” A drunken voice called, and a chair was smashed over the massive brawler’s head. The man rolled off, holding his now bleeding head in his hands, and Mordecai looked up to see the drunken Rigby standing above him, ready to fight. Mordecai groggily stood up off the ground, raising his fists up to attempt to fight. Luckily for the two deputies, a shot rang out and everyone stopped fighting. Everyone turned around to see Sheriff Benson standing in the doorway, revolver in the air.

“Now what the hell is going on here!” He screamed, face bright red.

Mordecai opened his mouth to speak, but the poker player who had thrown the first punch spoke up before him, “Your crazy deputies did it! Crashed right into our poker game!” The other patrons murmured in agreement, and Benson set his eyes on his new hire.

“You two” He begam, his voice a low grumble, “First real day on the job and you’ve already caused trouble! I knew I shouldn’t have hired you! You two are fired!” As he spoke his face grew redder and his voice higher, until finally he was screaming at the top of his lungs.

“Wait! They didn’t do it!” A voice cried. Everyone turned to see who spoke, and there was Margaret on the stage. “That guy started it!” She pointed to the poker player as she said this.

“Is this true?” Benson asked, slowly beginning to calm down.

“Yes sir!” Eileen called, emerging from behind the bar, “They tore my place apart, your deputies tried to stop them” 

Benson sat for a minute and pondered, then finally looked up. “Look I don’t know who did what, but I’m more inclined to believe my deputies than a bunch of drunks at the bar, so you’re coming with me.” Benson walked over to the man and put him in cuffs, who was too dumb founded to struggle. “I’ll see you two at work tomorrow, but if something like this happens again, I will fire you understand?” The two nodded, and Benson led the poker player at the door who was now loudly arguing his innocence.

“Thanks you two,” Mordecai said, walking over to the two women who had just bailed him out, “Anything I can do to pay you back?”

Margaret smiled and said “Don’t be a stranger” causing Mordecai to turn a bright shade of red. He said he wouldn’t, and wandered back to his buddy who had passed out yet again. Mordecai picked up his friend and draped him over his horse, and began the long ride back to his house. Despite being bloody, bruised, and broken, he was happy. He had made a friend, met the townsfolk, got along with his coworkers, and met two beautiful girls. All in all, Mordecai felt like things were going to be okay.


	3. Another New Face

Life continued in a similar fashion for the next two months, the duo would ride into town, do some menial chores, and finish the night with Rigby getting black out drunk at the saloon. The only departure from this schedule was their days off, where Rigby would teach Mordecai how to shoot. Mordecai cherished these days, as it was the only time that he and his new friend could bond with each other without it ending in an alcohol induced blackout. After these shooting lessons Mordecai would paint, and Rigby would go out on long rides. The blue jay would never ask about these, as he always came back rather grim, and didn’t want to push buttons.

“Nice shot” Rigby commented as the bottle on the fence post shattered into a billion shining pieces.

“Thanks” Mordecai emotionlessly commented, emptying his revolver of the empty shells. The two remained silent as the burning brass tubes fell silently down to the red dirt, glistening in the hot summer sun. He began to reload nine more. “August now. Hard to believe I’ve been here since June”

“Mhm” Rigby answered, lighting up a cigarette. Mordecai cocked his gun. “Ready?” Rigby asked, to which the blue jay nodded. “Alright, remember to breath and squeeze the trigger, don’t jerk it”

Pop! One bottle shattered. Pop! Another. Bang! One more. Rigby breathed out a large puff of smoke as two more bottles shattered. Four to go and he’d have a perfect round. Rigby wiped his brow, sweating from the over one hundred degree heat. Four more bottles shattered in a glistening display, and Rigby flicked the cigarette to the ground. The air remained silent, but large grins slowly grew across the men’s faces.

“Well fuck” Mordecai said, and the two high fived, bursting into laughter.

“I think shooting this good calls for a beer” Rigby laughed, and went inside to fetch one. Mordecai waited patiently outside, proud of himself for his outstanding marksmanship. Rigby shot seldom, but when he did he was impeccable, and had taught his friend well. Mordecai began to wonder why Rigby never wanted a turn to shoot, but his thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a galloping horse, and he turned his eyes towards the road.

There rode Benson, a smug grin on his face. Mordecai felt his heart drop. Knowing he was about to lose his day off. His boss rode up to him and dismounted, just as Rigby left the house. “Well boys it’s time for you to prove you’re deputies. Stage coach was supposed to arrive from Denver last night, but never did, I want you two to ride to Denver and see if you can’t find any trace of it.”

Rigby groaned, and before Mordecai could stop him he opened his mouth. “Why can’t someone else do it, it’s our day off!” the raccoon complained. Benson instantly grew red in the face, and started shouting.

“Because everyone else is busy, and you two haven’t done any work but shopping and cleaning! Now you two better find out where that stage coach is or you’re fired!” Benson yelled, and then hopped back on his horse and rode away, muttering all the way.

“Ugh” Mordecai groaned, “Great, you cost us our day off.” Rigby went to say something, but Mordecai cut him off, “Just go pack, if we have to ride to Denver we’ll need to do some camping. Rigby slinked into the house without a word and began to pack, as Mordecai angrily prepared the horses for a long ride. Rigby came out with their packs, and they began to ride out east.

The men didn’t speak till nightfall, the day far too hot and the bugs far too annoying to be expending energy on something as useless as idle chatter. They set up camp and got a fire started, and at that point as they were winding down it was time to talk. 

“God, I hope we find this stagecoach, I really don’t want to ride for a week.” Mordecai said, laying out his bed roll.

“A week?” Rigby asked, rather shakily.

“Yeah Denver is no walk in the park.” Mordecai answered, and laid himself down before immediately sitting back up, “Say what did you bring for dinner?”

“Pork.”

“Anything else?”

“Uh about that…” Rigby nervously said whilst rubbing his neck, “I only packed food for a day. I didn’t think it was that far out.” Mordecai had no reply, only being able to give his friend an awe struck look.

“What about extra water?” The blue jay pleaded. Rigby only looked down to the ground in shame, answering his question.

“We have some beer, I saved it to celebrate” The smaller man said, trying to cheer his friend up. All he got in response was a cold ‘goodnight’ before Mordecai went to bed hungry. Rigby fried himself up a little pork and tried to get his friend to forgive him, but to no avail, and soon went to bed himself.

Mordecai awoke to the smell of cooking bacon, and as soon as he opened his eyes was barraged with questions. “Hey are you hungry? Still mad at me? Should we go back?” Rigby inquired, leading to Mordecai just grumbling. He wordlessly packed up camp while the other deputy anxiously looked on. “Come on partner can’t you talk to me?” he asked, and finally Mordecai spoke.

“Yeah, I’m pissed. Your stupid decisions got us into this, if we go back we’re fired so I guess we’ll just have to hope we find the stagecoach soon.” The bird angrily spat, shutting Rigby up for the hours to come. The two rode on, seemingly towards nothing but barren desert. The sun beat down on the two weathered men, and once it began to set again they talked a little again. Rigby kept trying to make light of the situation to which Mordecai was having none of, instead speaking only of how they would survive in the desert. It was as if the two of them were in two completely separate discussions.

Finally they stopped as the twilight approached and made camp. Mordecai went hunting to little avail, while Rigby searched for water which was an equally fruitless task. All the blue jay could scrounge up was a single small lizard, and Rigby came back entirely empty handed.

“We’re out of water and food.” Mordecai sighed, “We’re going to die” It was flat, emotionless, devoid of all hope. If Rigby had not been so dehydrated he would’ve cried, in shame of destroying his best friend’s hope like this. “Goodnight.” Mordecai said, and Rigby remained quiet. He wanted to scream, shout, grab Mordecai by his shirt and tell him that he was sorry, that if he could go back he’d be better, that he did not mean to be so stupid. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t ever go back and he knew this.

The burning sun woke the deputies up, and they silently packed up camp. It was not for lack of desire that they remained so quiet, but instead the fact that even the act of talking wasted precious energy. They rode out, throats dry and brains fried from infernal heat, hoping to find anything. Mordecai, while his thoughts fuzzy, figured they were a little less than halfway to Denver, and knew their only salvation was the stagecoach, But that prospect was dimming the longer they rode, until finally they saw something glinting in the desert sand.

“Look!” The raccoon yelled, voice hoarse and rough. There, a way in the distance, lay a stagecoach tipped on its side, caps of its wheels reflecting the bright light into the cowboys’ eyes. At a breakneck speed they rode to the wreck, and quickly surveyed the scene. The horses that drew the coach were both dead, vultures picking at their carcasses. But it was the drivers the men couldn’t take their eyes off of. Two men were laid on the road, hands tied behind their backs. Both had bullet holes in the back of their heads, and at noticing this Mordecai turned a shade of green. Rigby only stared solemnly before dismounting. “I’ll look for water, you keep guard.”

Mordecai did as he was told, squinting his eyes shut. He had seen dead horses before, but never dead men. No, that wasn’t true, there was his uncle's funeral. But that wasn’t like this. At the funeral the body looked pristine, he remembered thinking his uncle looked asleep. But here in the desert was a new reality, the bodies were bloodied and old, stinking in the sun. The sun that seemingly never stopped. The sun that fried his brain and drained his energy and dried the very water from his eyes. The bird looked to the sky and saw vultures circling lazy overhead. He wondered if he would be their meal soon, if coming out here to Colorado meant he would suffer the same fate as the two dead drivers.

“Mordecai watch out!” Rigby screamed, but it was too late. Mordecai felt something heavy hit the back of his head and everything went black.

“Wha..” The bird tried to murmur, but was stopped by cloth filling his mouth. Everything was blurry, but he did his best to figure out where he was. It was night, there were some horses, and someone was hunched over a campfire. He looked to his right to see Rigby bound and gagged, tied to a post and asleep. Mordecai tried to move and felt that he was bound as well, but to his surprise he noticed that he was no longer thirsty. Whoever captured him must’ve made him drink something while passed out. Mordecai couldn’t hold on to consciousness for long though, and quickly slipped back into inky blackness.

“Dude wake up” A voice hissed into Mordecai’s ear, waking him up again. 

“What happened?” He asked, mouth now free of the cloth gag. He looked over to his partner on the right, who was busy untying him.

“Some lady hit you over the head man, then she blindfolded me and tied me up and rode us out here. Gave us water though, and a little bit of food.” Rigby looked over at his friend and smiled, “Good news is we can escape. She’s not very good at tying knots.” And with that Rigby paused his untying, showing his friend his hands.

“Wait what? Where is she now?” Mordecai asked. 

“I don’t know, hunting or something I think.” Mordecai felt the ropes around his hands loosen. “But let’s not worry about that right now, let's just get out of here. She put our guns in her horse’s saddle bag, let's get those and get out of here!” Before Mordecai could ask any more questions Rigby ran off to the horses, and pulled their revolvers out. But just when Mordecai stood up to go retrieve it, he heard a click behind him.

“Not a fucking move” A woman’s voice said, and Mordecai slowly put his hands in the air. “Now turn around, nice and slow.” He did what he was told, and slowly turned around. There he saw a woman, and if it hadn’t been for the revolver she was pointing at him, he would’ve been absolutely smitten. She was a short woman with hazel brown eyes, which were obscured slightly by her cut brown hair. She was dressed in black boots, jeans, and a trench coat, and was holding a revolver in one hand, and a rabbit corpse in the other. Mordecai heard a click from behind him, and Rigby’s voice spoke up.

“You’re going to let us go, or I’ll shoot.” He said, voice quivering. 

“Not a chance” She replied. 

“I’m not listening to a murderer! We saw those men!”

“That wasn’t me!”

“Sure it wasn’t, now let us go!” 

“You’ll have to shoot me!”

A silence followed this last remark. Mordecai winced, not wanting to see what would happen next, There was the sound of something falling, then a defeated voice.  
“Fine. You win.” Rigby said, barely more than a whisper. Mordecai was shocked, the hot headed man he knew had just given up without a fight? Politely did what was asked of him?

“Alright. Now you. Raccoon. Tie the bird up” The woman demanded. And again, Rigby silently did what was told of him. The girl came and tied up Rigby after, and then went to her now dwindling fire, muttering while cleaning her freshly caught rabbit.

“What the fuck man” Mordecai hissed, “Why didn’t you shoot? I wasn’t in the way you had a clear shot? Really just gave up like that?” Rigby remained silent, so Mordecai continued to light into him. “First the food and water and now this? You’re a terrible partner! I can’t believe I let you be my friend. I should’ve shot you when I had the chance.”  
Mordecai felt a twang of regret shoot through his chest. He knew he crossed a line. The blue jay heard sniffing, and turned his head to look at his fellow deputy. Rigby was crying, his tears falling and making small puddles of mud in the dusty ground.

“Look man I’m sorry” Mordecai started to say, but was cut off.

“I’m sorry. I know I’m a fuck up.” Rigby sniffled, and the blue jay tried to speak but was again stopped. “I drink too much, I don’t plan, I’m loud, stupid, and good for nothing.” He was getting more distraught and Mordecai was afraid it would alert their captor. “It’s just hard you know? I didn’t want to come live out west in some backwater town. I had to! Couldn’t stay after what I did!” Rigby was bawling at this point, and Mordecai could tell that the woman was actively listening. “I killed someone! Robbery went wrong. Can’t just forget about that! There my brother is in the cavalry and I’m killing an innocent man! Not even a man, a boy!” 

Rigby continued to speak, but was so distraught that it was now just coming out as incomprehensible gibberish. “Hey hey it’s ok” His friend softly cooed, but it was to no avail. The woman stood up, and Mordecai feared the worst. He was afraid that she had grown tired of Rigby’s crying, and was going to silence it. Forever. She slowly walked over and then crouched down in front of the sobbing raccoon. And she did something that Mordecai would never have guessed.

She hugged Rigby. She hugged him and let him cry. Rigby sat sobbing in the woman's arm for upwards of an hour, incoherently babbling about how it wasn’t his fault and he didn’t mean to. They sat like that until Rigby had exhausted himself, and had fallen asleep. At this point she crouched in front of Mordecai, and began to speak.

“I need you to know that I didn’t kill those men. I’m not sure who did, but it wasn’t me.” Mordecai nodded his head and she continued. “I want to let you go, I can see you two aren’t any trouble, but I have to make sure you don’t tell anyone, understand?” Again he nodded his head. “I went through your wallet while you were out, I know who you two are and can pretty easily figure out where you live. I’m going to check up on you from time to time.” The woman stood up before he could say anything, and went back to her fire.

“Who are you?” A spark of courage caused the bird to speak, which he instantly regretted. The woman paused, reflecting on how to answer.

“Call me Am.” She said, not looking back.

“Do you know who killed those guys?”

Am sighed, “I have an idea. I wouldn’t mess around with them if I were you.” Mordecai was quiet for another minute, but it wouldn’t last.

“So where you from?”

Another, slightly more annoyed, sigh. “Albania”

“Where’s that”

“Ottoman Empire. The Balkans.”

“Why are you out here?”

Am let out another, incredibly annoyed, sigh. “Jesus do you ever stop asking questions? They don’t like witches very much there. So I moved to Massachusetts. Turns out they don’t like witches there either.”

Mordecai didn’t know when to stop, and continued to pester her, “You’re a witch? Why are you all alone?”

Am had stopped sighing at this point, now expecting the questions to never end. “Yes I’m a a witch, it’s like you don’t listen. And why wouldn’t I be alone? Do I need people?”  
“Fair point” Mordecai said, “Where’s your broomstick?”

Am let out a loud groan, and Mordecai couldn’t help but chuckle a little. “We don’t have those you know”

“Yeah I figured. So how do you live out here, all alone?”

Am blushed, “Well. I really didn’t kill those men, but uh.”

“Ah.” He interrupted. He didn’t need her to finish the sentence. She was a highwayman, clear as day. An awkward silence followed. “So. What’s up?”

“Go to bed” Am laughed. “Goodnight. I’ll give you some food and supplies and you can head out tomorrow.” Mordecai smiled, and did his best to try and get some sleep. He no longer felt scared, and instead rather emboldened. Here was a real honest to god outlaw, just like in the books! And she was cute too. He drifted off to sleep, excited that this was just like in his romance novels, a secret outlaw coming to visit their lover princess despite the law trying to stop them! Only this time they weren’t lovers, and he wasn’t much of a princess.

When he woke up Am was gone. He and Rigby were untied, and all that remained at the camp was their horses, guns, and some basic supplies. Rigby was already up.  
“Hey. I’m sorry I didn’t shoot, I just froze up.” He started, not even waiting for Mordecai to fully wake up.

“No need. I never knew about all that stuff.” Rigby looked at his feet, ashamed. “I would’ve frozen up too. Sorry for being a jackass. I’ll uh. I’ll try to be better” The blue jay awkwardly spat out

“Thanks” Rigby said. “So what happened when I fell asleep?”

“I’ll tell you on the ride back.” And with that the duo headed off back west, back towards home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bada bing bada boom an OC for a friend that I hope I didn't fuck up TOO much


	4. It's a Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, school has been kicking my ass.

Benson was satisfied with the story Mordecai and Rigby gave him, that they had simply found the stage coach abandoned in the desert with no one around. For their hard work the sheriff gave the deputies a week off to recuperate from their sunburns and exhaustion, which the duo were happy to receive. Rigby spent the first few days trying to find something to drink other than alcohol, and Mordecai spent it waiting for the outlaw to visit.

“She’s not going to visit you know,” Rigby said one night, drinking a cup of cider at the kitchen table which he did not seem to be enjoying, “She just said that shit to scare us.”

“No she’ll come, I bet you” Mordecai replied, playing solitaire across from his friend.

“How much?”

“What?”

“How much do you bet?”

Mordecai laughed, “Alright, if I win you have to stop drinking. For good.”

Rigby rolled his eyes, “I’m already trying to stop, see?” He lifted his cup up. “Tastes terrible. I got a better idea, if you’re wrong you have to…” The raccoon stared off for a minute, then a devilish smile crept across his face, “Do all my work for a week, AND let me have the bed!”

The blue jay groaned, “Fine.” he grumbled. For the time they had been living together Rigby had been sleeping on the floor in a pile of filthy laundry, and Mordecai on the bed with the warm spanish blankets. It had never really been talked about, always just an unspoken rule much to Rigby’s annoyance.

“God I can’t wait for that bed” 

“Shut up” Mordecai laughed back, laying a card down. For the rest of their time off life continued in this fashion, Rigby would try something new to drink each night and Mordecai would sit with him and either play cards or read. The blue jay had been trying to teach his friend to read to repay him for the marksman lessons, but the raccoon showed little interest. Finally the last day of their break came, and the outlaw had still not appeared.

“I guess you’re right.” Mordecai sighed whilst in the middle of their nightly routine.

“Hm?” Rigby murmured while sipping some tea, grimacing at the dirty flavor.

“About Am, that outlaw. Guess she isn’t coming.”

Rigby, sensing the sadness in his friend’s voice, held back the urge to rub his victory in. “I’m sorry. If it makes you feel better she’d only get you into more trouble.” Mordecai frowned. “What? I’m right.”

“Whatever man. I’m going to bed, we got work in the morning.”

“Well goodnight, I’ll be here if you need me.”

Mordecai grunted an affirmation and stood up from his chair. He walked into his room and laid down, a deep melancholy washing over him. He was lonely, while he loved Rigby’s company it just wasn’t the same as having a girl like in all his novels. Despite his intense moroseness he fell asleep rather quickly, and dreamt of running away with the mysterious outlaw.

“Wake up.” A voice whispered in the bird’s ear, disturbing him from his slumber.

“Rigby it’s still dark out, go to bed” He mumbled, a deep ire prevalent in his sleepy voice.

“It’s not Rigby. Get up.” The voice whispered again. Mordecai’s eyes shot open, and he bolted up. 

“How did you get in?” He hissed at the figure standing in the darkness, whom he could only assume to be Am.

“You left your door unlocked, now come outside I don’t want to wake your friend up” Am said before leaving the room. Mordecai grabbed his revolver from the bedside table and holstered. While he may have been infatuated with the outlaw, he was no idiot and knew that this could be some sort of trap. The bird followed her outside, where she had prepared his horse for him. “Let’s ride. We’ll talk on the way.” He silently nodded, and mounted his horse, following Am in the direction of town.

“What’s with the midnight meeting?” The deputy asked while lighting up a cigarette, attempting to be suave. This backfired though as he burnt his finger with the match, resulting in him dropping the cigarette from out of his mouth and it unceremoniously tumbling to the red dirt below. 

“Think you forgot I’m still wanted.” Am curtly replied, causing Mordecai’s cheeks to go bright red.

“Oh. Yeah. Forgot.” They rode on for another moment in silence, each too awkward to break the ice. “Where are we going?”

“The saloon. Good place to blend in and get some food.”

“Ah cool. So it’s a date”

Am laughed, and Mordecai’s cheeks turned even darker. “Sure. A date.”

He regained his composure and asked another question, “So is this our only visit, just to make sure we didn’t rat you out?”

She pondered for a moment. “Depends. So tell me, what did you tell your boss?” Mordecai explained that they left her out of the story entirely, which pleased her. “Good good. Any other questions?”

He had a billion racing through his mind, but only managed to say, “Don’t think so. You?”

“We’re here, I’ll ask them inside.” They dismounted, and stepped inside the saloon. It was a busy night, but not a rowdy night. Eileen was working the bar, and Margaret was on stage singing which kept most the patrons entertained and distracted from any trouble they may cause.

“I’ll go order us some food from the bar, you find a table” Mordecai commanded, and they went their separate ways. 

“Oh hey Mordecai!” Eileen cheerfully greeted the deputy upon seeing him, “Rigby not with you tonight? Haven’t seen him lately, a little worried.”

“Ah he’s alright, just trying to quit drinking. I’ll tell him to come visit you.” 

This caused Eileen to smile and blush a little, “Thanks. So what’s the occasion?”

“On a date” He beamed, proud of himself even though this was only a half truth.

“Oooh with who?” Eileen inquired.

“Name’s Am. But keep it on the down low.”

Eileen winked, “I gotcha, she’s been in here a couple of times. So what can I get for you two?”

“Whatever your house special is, and if you have any wine.” He slapped some coins down on the table, “Keep any change”

“Coming right up”

With that Mordecai made his way back to Am, who had found a table in a lonely corner of the saloon. “What’d you get us?” Asked Am, leaning back in the old wooden chair and watching the show.

“Chef’s choice,” Mordecai answered, taking his own seat across from her. “So what did you want to talk to me about?”

Am sighed, and looked at the deputy. “I need a favor. And seeing as I saved your life I figured I could trust you.”

He frowned, “What did you mean saved our lives? You held us at gunpoint!”

“Keep your voice down!” She hissed at him, “You two were days from town with no food or water, I’ll call that saving your lives.”

“Alright that’s fair. Now what’s this favor of yours?” Mordecai asked. Before the outlaw could answer they were interrupted by Eileen, carrying a tray of food.

“Two lemon pepper chicken breasts, and a bottle of wine all the way from California. Enjoy you two love birds” She said, putting the trays in front of them and winking at Mordecai before walking away. Am blushed profusely, as did Mordecai who tried to hide it by taking a quick bite of his food. 

Am frowned. “Isn’t that bird?”

He looked up inquisitively. “Yeah? And?”

“Well aren’t you a bird?”

“Yeah? I’m sorry I don’t see your point.”

“Well if someone served me human I’d be pretty upset.”

Mordecai groaned, sick of explaining this to everyone he ate in front of, “Two things. First I’m a bluejay, this is a chicken. It’d be like you eating a monkey, not exactly the same. Second, their brains are too tiny to really understand anything like I do.”

“Jesus, sensitive topic.”

Mordecai felt a pang of remorse, not meaning to lash out so hard. “Sorry, just get it a lot. Didn’t mean anything by it.” A silence followed. “So uh, what about that favor?”

“Well if you’re done being cranky I’ll tell you”

He laughed and opened the wine, pouring them both a glass, “Yeah I’m done being cranky.”

“It’s about my hideout.”

“I’m listening” He said, taking a sip of his wine and wincing. He hated wine, but wanted to make a romantic first impression.

Am also took a sip, seemingly enjoying it infinitely more, “Well it’s in a cave down in a nice little canyon. Nice spot, easy to defend and by clean water. Only one problem.”

“And what would that be?” 

“There’s only one of me.”

The deputy frowned, putting his glass down. “Why’s that an issue? You asking me to move in or something?”

Am chuckled, “No nothing like that. It normally isn’t a problem, but while I was out saving your ass some folks found it and decided they liked it. Set up camp. Tried to ask them politely to leave but they didn’t feel like listening.” She pulled down her collar to reveal a large scar spread across her neck.

“Jesus Christ,” Mordecai muttered, aghast at the mark.

“Yeah. Tried to shoot me, lucky I’m alive. Anyhow I want it back, all my stuff is there and it’s my home.”

“So you’re asking me to help how?”

“Extra guns.”

Mordecai took another bite of his food and chewed slowly, thinking about what he would do. “Well who are these guys?”

His ‘date’ let out a defeated sigh. “I was hoping you wouldn’t ask that. Have you heard of Los Duendes?”

Mordecai’s jaw dropped, his glass of wine fell out of his hand and shattered on the floor. A few patrons looked over, but the loud music in the saloon kept most from hearing “You didn’t mention the Duendes, you’re lucky you’re alive.”

Am frowned, “I was hoping you hadn’t heard of them, being an out of towner and all.”

“Who hasn’t heard of them? Most dangerous gang in all of Mexico, what’re they doing in Colorado?”

She shrugged. “Beats me, now look. You owe me a favor, are you in or not?”

Mordecai leaned back in his chair and looked towards the ceiling, thinking of what to say. “Alright. Here’s what I’m thinking. We’ll help out, but-”

Am interrupted him, “Thank you so much! We’ll show those assholes.”

“BUT,” Mordecai continued, “You owe me another date.”

“Deal.” They shook hands, and continued with their meal as usual, the only difference being the small smile and rosy blush on Am’s face. “So. Where you from?” She asked.

“South Carolina born and raised. Far cry from Aldamia.”

“Albania” The witch corrected.

“That’s what I said right?” 

They laughed, and continued to talk. Mordecai told her of being raised by ex confederates, riding horses, and painting by the sea. Am told him of escaping the Ottoman’s, escaping Massachusetts, and escaping the law. 

“Lot’s of escaping huh?” He joked

“Pretty much the story of my life” She retorted. The two chuckled, and then Mordecai noticed that they had both finished their meals.

“I guess we should get going huh?”

“I mean. We don’t have to finish yet.” Am bashfully said, causing a grin to spread across Mordecai’s face.

“Well what’re you thinking?” The bluejay asked, overjoyed that their little meeting was going so well. 

“You mentioned horse riding, we could take a ride in the desert?”

“Sounds like a blast”

They stood up and walked out the doors of the saloon, where Mordecai walked straight into someone.

“Ah Jesus, sorry” He muttered, but then realized who he had run into.

Benson.

“Oh hey Benson, what’re you doing up so late?” Mordecai nervously laughed. Benson did not seem to find the situation funny, instead scowling at his employee.

“I could ask the same of you, you have work tomorrow.” Benson growled, and the deputy quickly opened his mouth to answer. “Say, who’s this?” his boss asked before the bird could get a word in.

“uh she’s, well she’s just a uh” The blue jay was blubbering, and Benson raised an eyebrow.

“I’m a friend!” Am quickly filled in, taking the heat off the southerner.

“Yeah! That!” He blurted out.

“Oh. I see. A ‘friend’” Benson replied, winking.

“What? No it’s not like that!” Mordecai was completely red.

“It’s ok, I understand. It's lonely out here in the desert. Don’t have too much fun you two” Benson smiled, and then walked into the bar.

“Well come on ‘friend’, let’s go” Am teased. Mordecai was too embarrassed to say anything, and instead silently sauntered over to his horse and saddled up. Am followed suit, and they rode out towards the deputy’s abode.

“Follow me, I know a scenic route” The outlaw said, leading them to a branch in the path. Before long they had reached a small meadow of scrubs. Mordecai was overtaken by the beauty of this desert night. Cactus flowers were blooming in moonlight, a rabbit sat upon an old dead tree that a variety of colorful bottles were hung from, and at the bass of that tree was a sun bleached cow skull, which all combined formed the most picturesque southwestern landscape.

“It’s beautiful” He whispered, and Am giggled.

“Didn’t take you for the sensitive type.”

“I did say I was an artist, didn’t I?” The duo smiled at each other, and rode on through the desert. It was a quiet ride, each taking in the beauty independently, and just enjoying each other’s company. Alas every journey has an end, and eventually they found themselves at the small adobe building. Mordecai dismounted, and spoke up to Am.

“You know you could stay here if you like, since that gang is in your home.”

She smiled, and rubbed the back of her neck, “I’d love to, but I better get back to watch my stuff.”

“Ah”

They both were quiet, awkwardly looking at their feet. Suddenly Am took out a journal, scribbled something on it, ripped the page out, and held it out to Mordecai.  
“Take this. Map to the hideout. Just tell your boss tomorrow you got a tip about some criminals and meet me there.”

Mordecai nodded and took the page, putting it in his back pocket.

“Well. I’ll see you around?” He asked?

“Yep, for our next date”

The deputy and the outlaw smiled at each other. The deputy waved goodbye as the outlaw rode off into the sunset.


End file.
